(I am not done with it! there will be more)
World peace, ending world hunger, boosting the economy, curing cancer, housing the homeless, making everyone skinny, everyone beautiful. As a sixteen year old girl, what can I do? Or, more like, what can I give? I can barely hold a 3.5 grade point average, I can’t manage my anger towards my brother, I make macaroni and cheese on my dinner nights, my college of choice is “wherever I get accepted”, my career of choice is “undecided”, and my ACT score is a low twenty-one. So what is it that I can do, what can I give, that someone would want? We would all like to change the world, from “paying it forward”, to becoming President of the United States. And yet the unsatisfactory thought of, failure to change the world in a huge way, creeps into our minds, and keeps us down. The fact is that we can! Just because we don’t have headlines in the newspaper dedicated to us, or we can’t see the immediate effect we have had on the world around us, doesn’t mean that we haven’t accomplished something potentially life-altering. After pondering this for days I have decided who to receive my gift. All those who will listen, or rather, to all those who need someone to listen, I give them my attention. I give them my care, and I give them my friendship.
The heartache hurts, I know; the post-crying headaches, I am all too familiar with. I just need someone there with me, someone to hold me and let me cry without saying anything. And isn’t that the gift that of all people, I should be the one to give? Be a sanctuary not tangible to the human body, but to the human mind, for those who need me the most.
We all have that feeling of being alone, in our own despair. The feeling that no one, no matter what, can comprehend what we are going through. Subconsciously, we know we are wrong, and yet, we would rather be alone. Why would we want to suffer alone when we have those friends that are there for us? Is that not what friends are for? Receiving a call in the middle of the night, from a friend that is disoriented and in need of comfort, who wouldn’t try to help them? Often they just need to know that someone cares, that they aren’t alone.
The heartache hurts, I know; the post-crying headaches, I am all too familiar with. I just need someone there with me, someone to hold me and let me cry without saying anything. And isn’t that the gift that of all people, I should be the one to give? Be a sanctuary not tangible to the human body, but to the human mind, for those who need me the most.
We all have that feeling of being alone, in our own despair. The feeling that no one, no matter what, can comprehend what we are going through. Subconsciously, we know we are wrong, and yet, we would rather be alone. Why would we want to suffer alone when we have those friends that are there for us? Is that not what friends are for? Receiving a call in the middle of the night, from a friend that is disoriented and in need of comfort, who wouldn’t try to help them? Often they just need to know that someone cares, that they aren’t alone.
This is quite an excellent essay. I am not sure what to say about it other than, as you said, it should be a little longer. Nevertheless, it is very well done.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I read, noticed. What stood out to me: i notied how you put elements in the story about your own life and yourself that made it very personal nad interesting. you found out a little bit about the authors life which i like.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I think you were trying to do: i think you were trying to... well im not sure what you exactly were trying to do but i liked it! its a piece of reality and the truth of things.
Here's a suggestion of how you could make it better: i thought this was a very good length. maybe you can be a little bit more specific in what you want to give, i couldnt really figure it out exactly.
A frist person essay from the "every man" or average person, point of view.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be giving the gift of a safe place to land a sanctuary for all those that struggle and giving the love of a friend.
How will you give this to people? who will you give it to? just kids your age? Has this gift impacted your life?
What I read: you took the reader through your thought process. How can you, a 16-year-old girl who barely has her own life figured out, give a meaningful gift to the world? You gave us many good specifics about yourself (gpa, relationship with brother, mac and cheese skills, the pain that you've felt yourself). Why would anyone want to suffer alone? A friend makes suffering less painful.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think: Your gift is the gift of friendship, or more specifically, a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. You will be the sanctuary for those who need one. You were trying to show the reader your thought process. That some of the BIG things like world peace, cancer, beauty, are impossible to change. But instead of thinking globally, you can act locally, and be a friend to those around you. You've been through pain yourself and you can help others get through the bad times.
Suggestions: I love your opening. It sounds real. It's probably the thought process of a lot people who took this prompt seriously. How could one person give a meaningful gift? Of course we want to change he world, but how? Your gift of friendship/listening/being a sanctuary to others is very noble. Teenagers would be lucky to have a friend like you. The danger in this essay is sounding too general. Like, I'll just be a friend to EVERYONE. You know that's not possible. Gandhi has a quote: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Maybe you could dramatize this situation a little. Give us a specific illustration. A friend in need (maybe not a best friend, but a friend of a friend). You reach out and help that person. You could end with the acknowledgement that what you did seems small, but it's the most you can do. (Sorry for rambling).
I noticed that you spent a long time on why you don't know what to give.
ReplyDeleteI think you were trying toshow that what many people need is someone who cares.
I think there needs to be more at the end or less at the beginning because it felt like half the essay was why you couldn't give a gift.I only got really into it towards the end.